Biology of Bone

Though somehow not quite mainstream yet after 16 years, Jeff Smith's Bone is a comic book classic known and loved the world over. Much has been written about what Bone is, in terms of literary inspirations. In a biological sense, though, Bone remains a mystery. I am not a biologist, which would probably not help me much with the following speculation anyway.

The Bone characters -- Fone Bone, Phoney Bone, and Smiley Bone are descendents of classic cartoon characters, anatomically simplified to the point where one can mentally fill in the blanks and imagine any features -- if not our own. Reminiscent of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the cartoony Bones inhabit the same world with more realistically drawn human characters. In this way, instead of their abstractness being a stylistic choice, it shows that the Bones are entirely different beings. But what manner of beings? They most closely resemble mammals. They have hair (not much hair, but they do have eyebrows) and sweat (profusely while in the desert), but clearly lack nipples and outside genitalia (evident because the Bones spend all of their time nude or almost nude). Their smooth, featureless bodies are more like reptiles or amphibians.

If judged solely by Fone and Phoney Bone, Bones in general would seem to show little variation, and yet Smiley Bone is remarkably different in height (about four feet tall, while he's cousins are about two and a half feet tall) and body shape. Unlike the traditional "squash and stretch" characteristic of animated cartoon characters, Bones seem to hold the same body shapes with only limited ability to contort them. When Fone Bone falls off a cliff and bounces off some rocks, he retains his shape throughout the ordeal. However, Fone is also capable of intentionally altering his shape, such as when he increases the size of his arm muscles to show off at the fair, or can have his shape altered by another Bone, such as when Phoney stretches Fone's face out to the shape of a pie by shoving the pie into his mouth. Only in the face are Bones highly malleable, being able to alter the size of their eyes and open their mouths so large that they appear to not be hinged (the latter being, again, reptillian in appearance).

It is tempting to suggest that having cartiledge instead of bone could produce this malleability, yet Fone Bone endures plenty of damage alongside Thorn when they are tortured in prison and seems to be no worse for wear than she is (cartilledge would break more easily than bone). Another possibility is that Bones are, internally, highly malleable, but their outer bodies are akin to rubbery exoskeletons. This would be an extremely unique lifeform, neither mammal nor reptile. The inside body seems to function similarly to most animals, with a circulatory system that uses blood (or at least a blood-like fluid, as Fone "bleeds" semi-regularly) and a sex drive that feels arousal from outside stimulus (like Fone feels when he sees Thorn); or like humans specifically, with lungs and a diaphram able to produce speech and a digestive system able to eat the same foods as humans (though more, since Phoney can eat sticks and Fone can eat roofing tar).

Speaking of sex drives, how would Bones reproduce? The lack of genitalia suggests asexual reproduction, and yet Fone Bone's interest in Thorn suggests otherwise. We also have seen how the exoskeleton can be consciously made malleable, or made malleable by contact with another Bone. The final fact that the Bone cousins' ancestor is "Big" Johnson Bone seems to be the final proof that Bones can "sprout" genitalia when the need arises.

Spider-Man's Happy Ending?

Steve Ditko, co-creator of the amazing Spider-Man, left his famous creation after the 38th issue under infamously mysterious conditions. He has told no one to this day why he left Marvel comics, though there has been much speculation over the decades. The most famous theory is that Ditko had a falling out with writer Stan Lee over the identity of the Green Goblin, of all things.

Ditko's last year on Spider-Man included some of his best stories, including the three-part Master Planner story that is often cited as one of the best Spider-Man stories -- if not best comic book stories -- ever. But his run winded down on a rather blase note. Issue 38, a story called "Just a Guy Named Joe", is typically considered a mediocre, by-the-numbers slugfest and a letdown for the end of such an illustrous run.

But is it more than that?

Let us consider once more the issue of the Green Goblin's identity. It is said that, while Lee championed the Goblin being someone close to Peter Parker, Ditko was philosophically determined that the Goblin should be an unknown stranger. Ditko had the chance to use his concept for a different character instead, the Crimemaster, in a two-parter teamed up with the Green Goblin. It might have been Lee's idea to placate Ditko, but another possibility is that it was Ditko's idea instead. What was important to Ditko was conveying his philosophical concepts regardless of which character served as his vehicle. In his post-Spider-Man days, many of his characters would interchangeably spout Ditko's personal philosophy. Whether Crimemaster or the Green Goblin was the vehicle, the important thing was to convey the message.

What message could be behind Joe? Joe was a guy who gained superhuman strength through a lucky accident, ran amok, and then was lucky enough to win a movie contract for all the publicity his actions had caused. In the same issue, Peter Parker is moneyless, friendless, and girlfriendless -- conditions he would continually find himself in throughout his long publication history. But what if the messages were switched? Parker, the perenially unlucky, would finally catch his big break. As Spider-Man, he had twice tried to make it big in front of the cameras, only to be short-changed each time (Amazing Fantasy #15 and Amazing Spider-Man #14). Should the third time have been the charm?

Also consider that Ditko had, before Spider-Man, never stayed with the same superhero since Captain Atom's 12-issue stint at Charlton Comics. True, to a large extent this was because Ditko had a non-mainstream style and was working for a smaller company, but we also know that Ditko mainly worked on what he liked throughout his career and would leave projects as quickly as he liked. We know he intended to leave Amazing Spider-Man after #38, as he was not fired. Thirty-eight issues (plus two annuals and an origin story in another series) is a long time for a creator accustomed to much shorter stints. Ditko might well have felt that Parker's story was all told and needed to go no further. Clearly, Marvel would not allow Ditko to retire one of its characters -- if not its most famous character. But if Ditko did want to write a happy ending for Peter Parker, he could just as easily have used Joe to convey it.

So what would that happy ending have been? Had Spider-Man been lucky enough to win a movie contract for big bucks, his Aunt May would have only the best medical care and never suffer needlessly again. He could even use his new resources to track down his missing girlfriend, Betty Brant. It is hard to imagine a character as obsessively responsible as Parker ever giving up being Spider-Man, but he might have done it for love. Rival love interest Ned Leeds seemed to exist only to show what type of man Brant was really interested in. Had Parker picked up on that, he might have forsaken his costumed identity and taken up, as Leeds had, journalism to champion the same causes he once fought for as Spider-Man.

All this is purely conjecture, of course, but in this age where iconic superhero characters infinitely recycled through the same stories, it is fun to look back and think how Spider-Man might have looked as a finite character in a story with a beginning, middle, and end.

Disney's Minutemen Reviewed

Last night, I watched Minutemen on the Disney Channel because Megan wanted to see it. The show was heavily hyped and aired three consecutive nights at the same time. They sure didn’t want anyone to miss it! The “bunch of nerds save the world” story, I believe, was meant to look intentionally familiar, like Ghostbusters for today’s young teens. Ah, but how much better Ghostbusters was!

There is some decent casting here, particularly in the three main characters. They are all outcasts for unusual and engaging reasons instead of the typical “just because they dress like nerds” excuse (though the cast is rife with bit players who rely wholly on that same prejudice, including one black nerd who is disturbingly buff when shirtless for a nerd). One is a child prodigy genius ala Jimmy Neutron, only not so bad. One is an outcast just for being a quiet loner. Now that is a hard role to pull off convincingly without simply under-acting, but the young man who did it seemed to make it work. The third outcast used to be one of the cool kids, but was rejected by them after a humiliating prank. There is some camaraderie between the three of them that does not come off as forced (the camaraderie was one of the best parts of Ghostbusters, though these boys are given none of the witty patter of the older movie). One of the best parts of the movie is the conflict in this third teen (note: I have no idea who any of these teen actors are, though they’re apparently heavily used on the Disney Channel, nor do I have much interest in learning more about them with even a simple Google search), who must choose whether to believe his old, cool friend was innocent or complicit in said prank. And then to choose between his old, cool friends and his new, nerdy friends.

And from there the movie spirals downward. Typical of anything from Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel these days (is there even a difference between them anymore?), every adult is treated like a moron who can’t function without the kids. There’s a scene where the principal is bumped into and knocked into the display he’s so proud of, causing him to wreck the source of his own pride, which was an old sight gag already 40 years ago. To inject suspense into the middle of the movie, the teens are followed by “men in black” government agents. The agents believe, for absolutely no good reason save to allow the kids to still wander freely, that they will learn more about the time travel machine by watching the kids than by, oh, say, confiscating it.

The science is astoundingly bad. Why would NASA be involved in a time travel project instead of a new agency? Simply so kids would have name recognition with the agency. How does time travel create a black hole again? Oh yeah, the movie doesn’t really want you to think about that too hard. Nor the fact that the black hole is simply a glorified sinkhole in a football field with a special FX light show coming out of it. Apparently, light can escape from this black hole, as can practically anything else, including a huge crowd of people standing mere feet from the “black hole” instead of running in panic. Actually, the thing in the movie -- a hole that is sucking the present back into the past – is more like a worm hole, but the producers must have decided that not enough kids would understand that term.

Okay, so the producers wanted a movie dumbed down so kids could understand it. I can follow that logic. But how does that explain the complete lack of intelligent female characters in the movie? Every female character in the movie is either a bully or a airhead (actually, the cheerleader might not have been intended to be just an airhead, given her central role in the sub-plots, but the young actress chosen was perhaps not up to projecting a complex personality). Given that the Disney Channel’s current cash cow is the Hannah Montana franchise (do they remember Mickey Mouse? Nah…), you would think that making such an un-friendly movie for girls would be a shot in the foot.

Or maybe I’m being too critical. I remember how good the Disney Channel used to be when they ACTUALLY showed movies that Walt Disney himself had a hand in making. Megan gave this movie a B. I gave it a C, and only that high based on the strength of the character-based subplots.

Yet More Places to Find Me

Sites where I am or have been active in the past:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/GoldenAge-SilverAge_DC_Comics/
http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/kids-rpg/
http://p085.ezboard.com/bpiedpiperpublishing
http://trzupek.wordpress.com/ - good for bashing local Republicans!

Games I am currently playing in or running:

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/Golden_Age_RPG/
http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/Marvel_Silver_and_Gold/
http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/DDC-C/

Old games I was involved in that are still around:

http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/jsa1951/
http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/allstarroleplayers/
http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/Lost_City_EoY/

Notice of Semi-Productivity

So far this month, my biggest accomplishment was finishing "Night of the Collector" at fanfiction.net (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3892345/1/Night_of_the_Collector). It came to 29 pages -- and that was after removing two scenes to make a leaner story. The original "Night of the Collector" was the Jan. 1974 story in Avengers #119, by Steve Englehart. I like to think he would have written the original even better than mine if he weren't saddled with a deadline (the nicest thing about fanfiction!).

I am 15 pages into "Ehlissa's Story", the "Castle Greyhawk" prolog. This story was necessary because Ehlissa was such a surprisingly popular character in the original story (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3720731/1/Castle_Greyhawk) that there just had to be a prequel from her point of view.

Other than that, I have artwork I plan to share, but lack a scanner at the moment and will have to share another day.

Happy Feet & Charlotte's Web Reviews

Around the holiday season, I had the opportunities to watch both the movies Happy Feet and Charlotte’s Web (the newer version). Both were pure delights. Does live action ever get this good anymore without animation added to it?

Happy Feet was the bigger surprise of the two, which is what the movie tried to be. It starts with such an innocent set-up, reminiscent of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, but with a dancing penguin. It’s well into the movie that it turns into a quest-type adventure and that sneaks up on the viewer so subtly that you almost don’t see what’s coming. The environmental message of the movie is in stealth mode and even when it becomes clear, the message boils down to “love everyone” more than “save the Antarctic ecosystem.” At first I was confused by why so many characters were voiced by Robin Williams and by the chaotic assortment of pop songs running throughout the movie, but it all ties into the message and how we can all communicate with each other, or “sound alike,” no matter what our musical preference or species. Of course, being a huge Beatles fan, I loved how the song that was most important for expressing the movie’s true message at the end was “The End,” with the line, “the love you take/is equal to the love you make.” I was bawling like a baby at that point.

Speaking of being reduced to tears…my mother tells me that I did see the original animated version of Charlotte’s Web when I was little, but I had no memory of it. Nor did I ever get around to reading the book. You don’t get to be 36 years old, though, without picking up some serious spoilers about what happens to the spider. I still could not believe how much I was moved by it. For at least the last half-hour of the movie I was crying on and off. Actually, it was Wilbur saying, “I don’t want to die” that first set me off. Who hasn’t felt the same? Mortality and friendship and how the latter bridges the former are the themes of this movie. It is too big a stretch to say that the trip to the fair counts as a quest adventure, but there are other more obvious parallels, such as the use of animals as human metaphor and the importance of finding a way to communicate with humans. Who hasn’t felt the same about communicating with humans?

It’s almost frightening what can be done with computer animation these days, though I was heartened to learn in the Charlotte’s Web DVD extras how live action footage of animals was used as much as possible. I’m pretty sure that the humans in Happy Feet were all live action humans, though I haven’t confirmed that yet. The amazing thing is how easily the two synch together now. Remember how amazing this was when Who Framed Roger Rabbit came out?

A+ for all movies mentioned!

Timmy - pt. 2

[First half posted in December. Though written in 1991, I have done some tinkering with the ending and, I think, improved it.]

So fervent was my digging that I didn't notice right away that the ground was getting harder. Rather, the realization hit me all at once that I had reached some extraordinarily hard clay. Less and less was I removing with my shovel. I had only dug half as far as I needed to, but I had so much left to go! So, I thought, now the ground itself was trying to stop me. For a while, the ground was doing an excellent job, but then I felt a drop of water fall on my ear. Then a second fell on top of my head. The very clouds which obscured my vision were now my salvation in digging. I could hear the raindrops falling more steadily then. I bent down to feel the ground. It was moistening. More drops fell. For some time the rain fell and it fell harder every passing minute. Soon it was falling so hard it hurt, but I didn't care. I felt the clay at my feet. It felt wet. I threw down my shovel and raised my arms to God and shouted, "Thank you, God! Thank you for the rain! Thank you for the mud!" Yes, that evening I praised the Lord for mud. So ecstatic was I over my deliverance that I failed to think that my shouting might draw anyone's attention. Who would hear?

At long last I could scoop into the soft, malleable, wet clay and brought up a full shovel-full. I felt to make sure. I did the same again and again. I was as high as a kite. Suddenly, I sank very low. Very low. I hit the sloped floor of my put once more and the reverberation chilled my body more than the icy rain. On my hands and knees, I ran my hand over the ground, wiping away the loose dirt. I could not see this latest obstacle, but I knew from its texture I had hit stone. I had hit stone! What was a stone doing there? I couldn't be deep enough to hit bedrock. Someone had put a huge rock in the ground at that very spot just to thwart me. Quivering with anger, I looked up. I saw nothing, but I knew who to talk to. "You," I said. "You did this to me. First you took my mom and dad, then you took Timmy, and now...this rock!"

No one answered.

No matter, as I wasn't done yet anyway. I clambered out of my pit to get closer to Him and shook my fists skyward. "And you made it rain just to get my hopes up so you could crush me with this! Why couldn't you just leave us alone? What did Timmy do to you? He clawed up my couch, not yours! I didn't even care! I loved Timmy! You hated him, though. You were jealous of Timmy, weren't you?"

No one answered. Well, maybe that's not true. I definitely heard something. It wasn't coming from Heaven, though. It was coming from the west. Figuratively speaking, the noise brought me back down to Earth. I even heard it again. It was the creaking of leather. Was it the caretaker's boots? This time I chose not to hide. One more obstacle was not going to bother me in the least. "Who's there?" I asked. I heard no reply. I expected to hear something like, "What are you doing here?" or, "Get out, now!" but I didn't. Something else was wrong too, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

The rain was just about over and I was sure that was not raindrops I heard. The clouds overhead parted ever so slightly and I could see again. I was amazed at the progress I had made on my hole. It was looking much more like a grave. I could see no sign of the caretaker. Then I realized what had been wrong before. Why would the caretaker stumble in the dark like I did when he could use a flashlight? I heard the noise again to the north. "Who are you?" I asked again. "Timmy, is that you?" No, it couldn't be Timmy. Timmy was in the bag. The bag was exactly where I had put it. Wasn't it? I had to look and make sure. I was hesitant, but I went to the bag and lifted the corner of it. Timmy was laying there, as peaceful as ever, with his tail curled up around him. I heard the same sound again. That couldn't be Timmy in the bag. I heard him.

I could see much more as the sky continued to clear. "Come here, Timmy. Where are you? Did you catch something? Here, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy." I couldn't understand why he didn't come. Then I saw something was moving by the old Palmer tombstone. "Is that you, Timmy?" I asked. I started to walk towards him when I choked on a horrible, horrible smell. I heard the creaking again. That smell was so repugnant and nauseating that I wanted to run away from it, but I kept going forward. The creaking became louder. I had followed the sound and the smell all the way back to the entrance and could see the gate swinging back and forth in the breeze. That was the source of the squeaking. It wasn't leather boots at all. Or was it coming from my boots? I couldn't be sure. But then I saw where the smell was coming from. A pair of eyes were watching me from behind a bush and I knew who it was.

"Timmy!" I called out to him. "I'm so glad you're still here." And I went to him, no longer afraid of the caretaker. I remembered then that I was the caretaker and that Timmy would never let anything happen to me. Or let me leave.