First "paycheck" for being a writer

Okay, not a paycheck, per se, but a prize in a Valentine's Poem writing contest at Elgin Community College. I had shown up with nothing in hand but, underwhelmed by the competition, I had borrowed a pencil and paper and wrote up a joke poem on the spot that not only won me second prize*, but the poem was published in The Spire, ECC's literary magazine that year. 

*I remember it being first prize in its category, humorous poems, but it's possible it was considered second prize because the serious poem category was considered more important.

When I was 20, I figured I would be making enough to live off of from my writing by the time I was 25. Little did I know how little more I would be making for my writing by 50!

Old Poems

More from old moldy school papers...apparently I was annoyed by the pretentiousness of the poetry I was studying, so I wrote these gag poems. Interestingly, I'm not sure if I had already read Kafka's Metamorphosis before writing the first poem. It's possible I wrote this after just hearing about it...

I. [untitled]

I awake and found myself a bug
Not an itty bitty bug with mandibles
Gnash, gnash, gnash,
But a big one.
Scuttle, scuttle, I crossed the room.
Grandma, she stepped on me.
"Land sakes, I die now, too,"
She said.
Then hocked a big goober
into Grandpa's old spittoon.
"Spit until you croak, old fat Granny,"
My spirit said as it ascended.
"I am better than you now."

II. Fire

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
That's hot.

III. Reincarnate

Now I sit upon a shelf.
I hold water 'til I'm poured.
I'm a jug
jug
jug.

A Valentine's Day Poem

[A highwater mark of my early writing "career". In 1991, I attended a Valentine's Day poetry contest at Elgin Community College, wrote a poem while I sat there listening to the other poems, read mine aloud as a last-minute entry, and won a prize for best humorous love poem. The poem was subsequently published in the 1991 issue of Spire, ECC's student literary magazine.]

Cherished memory of times past,
So much we have shared with each other.
That time we dined at Tony's
And you whispered in my ear,
You must remember the words.
"Can I borrow a hundred bucks?"
"I'll pay you back," you said.
I believed you.
Now, this is the fourth time I've called,
Only to be met by your answering machine.
I thought I could trust you,
I thought I knew you,
And I want my money back.
By the way, Happy Valentine's Day,
And remember, I know where you live.