g) Back door
The door must be bashed in (10 hp from blunt weapons only).
4 goblins: AC 6; MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 4, 3, 2, 1; leather armor, shield, morningstar, 2 javelins, 1d4 sp.
h) Rear guard
2 goblins: AC 6; MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5, 3; leather armor, shield, morningstar, 2 javelins, 1d4 sp.
j) Great hall
There are ten female goblins here; four are pregnant and avoid combat. One is afraid, and runs for help. The remaining five attack (as if kobolds).
5 goblin females: AC 8; MV 6"; HD 1/2; hp 4, 3 (x2), 2 (x2); shield, dagger, 1d6 cp.
3) Alchemist's Hut
The lone foor to the place is chained and locked (20 hp of blunt weapon damage). The shutters hang ajar, but the windows are blocked by iron bars (10 hp of blunt weapon damage to dislodge).
Arowain Fain, warlock and alchemist: AC 9; MV 12"; M-U 8; hp 22; tools, clothes, leather apron.
Spells: No spells memorized.
The sorceress comes to check on her charge and overhears most of the conversation. She is incensed at the betrayal, but smart enough to have cast protection from good and protection from normal missiles on herself.
Daresh, sorceress: AC 9 (7 with spell); MV 12"; M-U 9; hp 27; AL L; S 8, I 18, W 11, D 16, C 15, Ch 10; ring of telekinesis, wand of fear (22 charges), potion of flying, potion of healing, dagger, 3 darts, gold necklace with lapis lazuli worth 550 gp.
Spells: detect magic, protection from good, charm person, sleep; levitate, continual light, knock; hold person, lightning bolt, protection from normal missiles; polymorph self, dimension door; teleport.
RETURNING TO HAANEX
Dinner Anyone?
Grumm, Blash, ogres: AC 5; MV 9"; HD 4+1; hp 19, 18; club, pouch with 67 gp (27 of which belong to the dwarf in the bag), small ornate silver dagger worth 25 gp (also the dwarf's) (Grumm); spear, gold belt with three ruby chips forming the eyes and mouth of a skull (rubies 50 gp each, belt as a whole 200 gp) (Blash).
Wegred, hobgoblin: AC 5; MV 9"; HD 5; chain mail, short bow, quiver of 20 arrows, 2 gp.
Stirukar, dwarven veteran and smith: AC 9; MV 6"; F 1; hp 7; no possessions carried (unless returned from the ogres).
THE BOAT TO ZOA
The Forsaken
18 sailors (fight as levee, as per Chainmail rules. Useless in one-on-one combat.)
Shipmaster Haager Pocaat, warrior: AC 7; MV 12"; F 2; hp 9; AL L; S 14, I 15, W 8, D 15, C 10, Ch 11; leather armor, short sword, dagger, 5 sp.
ENCOUNTERS AT SEA
1) Becalmed (keep weather conditions, but substitute sahuagin with encounter 2)
2) Sea Serpent
1 giant sea serpent (constrictor snake): AC 5; MV 9” (12” swimming); HD 10; hp 36.
3) Pirates!
10 pirates, veterans: AC 6; MV 12”; F 1; hp 7, 6 (x2), 5, 4, 3 (x2), 2 (x2), 1; leather armor, shield, short sword, hand axe, 1d6 cp each.
Shipmaster Vile, swordsman: AC 6; MV 12”; F 3; hp 15; leather armor, shield, morningstar, 10 cp, 11 sp, 7 gp, 1 pink coral gem worth 100 gp.
4) Death Ship
Mast. 8 zombies: AC 8; MV 6”; HD 2; hp 11, 10, 9 (x2), 8 (x2), 7 (x2).
3 ghouls: AC 6; MV 9”; HD 2; hp 9, 8, 7; attack paralyzes unless victim saves.
Varin, evil prefect: AC 5; MV 9”; C 5; hp 20; AL L; S 10, I 7, W 15, D 8, C 9, Ch 10; chainmail armor, footman’s flail, potion of invisibility, potion of healing, 6 gp.
Spells: cause light wounds, purify food & water (x2); blight, hold person; animate dead.
Wheel. Shipmaster Wien, swordsman: AC 9; MV 12”; F 3; hp 12; AL L; S 11, I 14, W 9, D 9, C 10, Ch 17.
Galley. 1 zombie: AC 8; MV 6”; HD 2; hp 7.
Captain’s Cabin. 8 skeletons: AC 7; MV 6” HD ½; hp 3 (x3), 2 (x3), 1 (x2).
Bilge. 16 animal skeletons: AC 7; MV 6”; HD ½; hp 3 (x5), 2 (x7), 1 (x4).
OVERVIEW OF ZOA
1) The Market
Scam A) Please Sir, May I Have Some More?
Elvoir, veteran: AC 9; MV 12”; F 1; hp 6; dagger, chalk, wax, a whistle, and some string.
Scam B) Sleight of Hand
Beriece, anti-hero: AC 9; MV 12”; F 4; hp 23; dagger, short bow, quiver of 12 arrows, ring w/needle (for cutting purses), pouch containing 9 gp and 28 sp.
Scam C) Going Once, Going Twice, Sold!
Miana Reemae, myrmidon: AC 9; MV 12”; F 6; hp 33; dagger +1, merchant’s scale, pouch containing 11 gp, 39 sp, and 19 cp.
Scam D) Now You See It…
Miana Reemae (see above).
Scam E) In a Hurry
Semaj, swordsman: AC 7; MV 12”; F 3; hp 18; leather armor, battleaxe, pouch containing 5 sp and 27 cp.
3 warriors: AC 9; MV 12”; F 2; hp 14, 11, 9.
5) Small Town
Purguld, dwarven warrior: AC 5; MV 6”; F 2; hp 14; chainmail armor, dagger.
ENTERING ZOA
Geolain’s Tower
Geolain, enchanter: AC 9; MV 12”; M-U 7; hp 20; AL L; S 10, I 18, W 18, D 14, C 16, Ch 17; quarterstaff, ring of invisibility, scroll of finger of death, wand of paralyzation (12 charges), silver pin worth 70 gp.
Spells: detect magic, light, protection from evil, read languages; detect invisible, ESP, locate object; dispel magic, lightning bolt; dimension door.
The Blind Beggar Inn
3 sentinels (fight as peasants, as per Chainmail rules. Useless in one-on-one combat.)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Retroconversion of Root of All Evil to OD&D - pt. 1
[While I never ran a Kalamar-based campaign, nor used this module, I was very much interested in the game setting until 2002 and worked to convert several modules in the hopes I would get to use them someday.]
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS
Kingdoms of Kalamar
THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL
Credits
Author: Andy Miller, et. al. -- 2001
Conversion Editor: Scott Casper -- 2001
INTRODUCTION
You, the DM, will need a copy of the D&D booklets, Men & Magic, Monsters & Treasure, and The Underworld & Wilderness Adventures for this adventure. It may also be useful to have the Chainmail wargaming rules. One can find statistics for monsters and key Non-Player Characters (NPCs) in the Appendix at the back of this book. As the adventure takes place in the Kingdoms of Kalamar campaign setting, the DM should also have the Kingdoms of Kalamar core sourcebook.
Conversion Note: This module has been converted from 3rd edition Dungeons & Dragons (c. 2000) back to 1st edition Dungeons & Dragons (c. 1974). This is not a complete reproduction of the original module; it includes only paragraphs in which game mechanics-specific changes have been made.
Note on Resting
Since this adventure does not take place in a single dungeon, there will be more than one opportunity for the PCs to rest, recover lost hp, and rememorize spells. It is recommended that this be allowed to take place whenever the PCs have returned to the village of Haanex or the city-state of Zoa during the adventure.
Note on Character Death
Expect at least several. Players should be encouraged to have wills made for their PCs, and possibly back-up PCs on hand.
Haanex (village): AL NG; population 600 (99% human, 1% dwarven).
Authority Figures: Mayor Foosiwain, male human F 2
Important Characters: Veoden, male human M-U 7; Elskin Torris, male human C 4 (Holy Mother/home); Fortis Aluz, male human F 2 (militia commander); Alexis, female human C 1 (Lord of Silver Linings/healer).
Village Militia: 13 1st level fighters (led by Fortis Aluz, above).
VEODEN'S TOWER
All windows and doors of the place have a wizard lock spell cast on them at 7th level.
Veoden, enchanter: AC 8; MV 12"; M-U 7; hp 18; AL N; S 9, I 18, W 16, D 13, C 14, Ch 16; dagger +2, +3 vs. orcs, goblins, and kobolds; ring of protection +1, potion of flying, potion of healing, scroll of lightning bolt.
Spells: read magic, charm person (x2), sleep; levitate, invisibility, continual light; hold person, fireball; dimension door.
THE GRAVEYARD
1) Main gates
The bronze chains on the gates are old. They are heavy and resist any attempts to damage them (10 hp, affected by blunt weapons only).
2) Mausoleum
The old, sealed door can be bashed with blunt weapons (5 hp).
8 skeletons: AC 7; MV 6"; HD 1/2; hp 3 (x3), 2 (x3), 1 (x2); shield, short sword each.
3) Atuur Dairoo's grave
If the PCs have the shovels Veoden offered them, it only takes 30 minutes (with two people digging) to uncover the coffin of Atuur. The casket is wrapped in iron chains and held by a stout lock. The lid is tightly shut but easily opened once the chains are removed (10 hp, from blunt weapons only), to reveal the decaying body of Atuur Dairoo.
Atuur Dairoo (wight): AC 5; MV 9"; HD 3; hp 10. Attack paralyzes unless victim saves. Immune to normal missile fire.
THE THIRSTY HOUND
Girion, veteran: AC 5; MV 9"; F 1; hp 7; AL N; S 16, I 13, W 12, D 17, C 15, Cha 8; chainmail, short bow, quiver of 20 arrows (4 silvered), longsword, silvered dagger.
THE CRATER
2) Goblin lair
4 goblins: AC 6; MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5, 4, 3, 2; leather armor, shield, short sword, 1d8 cp each.
a) Entrance guardroom
2 goblins: AC 6; MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5, 3; leather armor, shield, short sword, 1d8 cp each.
b) Goblin barracks
10 goblins: AC 7 (or 9); MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5 (x2), 4, 3 (x2), 2 (x3), 1 (x2); leather armor, morningstar, 2 javelins, 1d8 cp each.
c) Lieutenant's barracks
4 goblins: AC 7; MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5 (x3), 4; leather armor, longsword, 1 sp each.
d) Guard barracks
10 goblins: AC 7 (or 9); MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5, 4, 3 (x3), 2 (x3), 1 (x2); leather armor, morningstar, 2 javelins, 1d8 cp each.
e) Chief's room
When someone attempts to open the door, a trip wire across the top pulls a burning lantern into a pan of oil in an overheard compartment. The compartment opens, splashing flaming oil onto those below in a 6 foot diameter. If the first person through the door tries to close it immediately upon seeing the charred goblins, then there is only a 1 in 6 chance of the lead PC being killed. Otherwise, there is a 2 in 6 chance of the lead PC being killed, and a 1 in 6 chance of the second PC being killed. The oil burns for 3 rounds before it burns away.
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS
Kingdoms of Kalamar
THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL
Credits
Author: Andy Miller, et. al. -- 2001
Conversion Editor: Scott Casper -- 2001
INTRODUCTION
You, the DM, will need a copy of the D&D booklets, Men & Magic, Monsters & Treasure, and The Underworld & Wilderness Adventures for this adventure. It may also be useful to have the Chainmail wargaming rules. One can find statistics for monsters and key Non-Player Characters (NPCs) in the Appendix at the back of this book. As the adventure takes place in the Kingdoms of Kalamar campaign setting, the DM should also have the Kingdoms of Kalamar core sourcebook.
Conversion Note: This module has been converted from 3rd edition Dungeons & Dragons (c. 2000) back to 1st edition Dungeons & Dragons (c. 1974). This is not a complete reproduction of the original module; it includes only paragraphs in which game mechanics-specific changes have been made.
Note on Resting
Since this adventure does not take place in a single dungeon, there will be more than one opportunity for the PCs to rest, recover lost hp, and rememorize spells. It is recommended that this be allowed to take place whenever the PCs have returned to the village of Haanex or the city-state of Zoa during the adventure.
Note on Character Death
Expect at least several. Players should be encouraged to have wills made for their PCs, and possibly back-up PCs on hand.
Haanex (village): AL NG; population 600 (99% human, 1% dwarven).
Authority Figures: Mayor Foosiwain, male human F 2
Important Characters: Veoden, male human M-U 7; Elskin Torris, male human C 4 (Holy Mother/home); Fortis Aluz, male human F 2 (militia commander); Alexis, female human C 1 (Lord of Silver Linings/healer).
Village Militia: 13 1st level fighters (led by Fortis Aluz, above).
VEODEN'S TOWER
All windows and doors of the place have a wizard lock spell cast on them at 7th level.
Veoden, enchanter: AC 8; MV 12"; M-U 7; hp 18; AL N; S 9, I 18, W 16, D 13, C 14, Ch 16; dagger +2, +3 vs. orcs, goblins, and kobolds; ring of protection +1, potion of flying, potion of healing, scroll of lightning bolt.
Spells: read magic, charm person (x2), sleep; levitate, invisibility, continual light; hold person, fireball; dimension door.
THE GRAVEYARD
1) Main gates
The bronze chains on the gates are old. They are heavy and resist any attempts to damage them (10 hp, affected by blunt weapons only).
2) Mausoleum
The old, sealed door can be bashed with blunt weapons (5 hp).
8 skeletons: AC 7; MV 6"; HD 1/2; hp 3 (x3), 2 (x3), 1 (x2); shield, short sword each.
3) Atuur Dairoo's grave
If the PCs have the shovels Veoden offered them, it only takes 30 minutes (with two people digging) to uncover the coffin of Atuur. The casket is wrapped in iron chains and held by a stout lock. The lid is tightly shut but easily opened once the chains are removed (10 hp, from blunt weapons only), to reveal the decaying body of Atuur Dairoo.
Atuur Dairoo (wight): AC 5; MV 9"; HD 3; hp 10. Attack paralyzes unless victim saves. Immune to normal missile fire.
THE THIRSTY HOUND
Girion, veteran: AC 5; MV 9"; F 1; hp 7; AL N; S 16, I 13, W 12, D 17, C 15, Cha 8; chainmail, short bow, quiver of 20 arrows (4 silvered), longsword, silvered dagger.
THE CRATER
2) Goblin lair
4 goblins: AC 6; MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5, 4, 3, 2; leather armor, shield, short sword, 1d8 cp each.
a) Entrance guardroom
2 goblins: AC 6; MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5, 3; leather armor, shield, short sword, 1d8 cp each.
b) Goblin barracks
10 goblins: AC 7 (or 9); MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5 (x2), 4, 3 (x2), 2 (x3), 1 (x2); leather armor, morningstar, 2 javelins, 1d8 cp each.
c) Lieutenant's barracks
4 goblins: AC 7; MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5 (x3), 4; leather armor, longsword, 1 sp each.
d) Guard barracks
10 goblins: AC 7 (or 9); MV 6"; HD 1-1; hp 5, 4, 3 (x3), 2 (x3), 1 (x2); leather armor, morningstar, 2 javelins, 1d8 cp each.
e) Chief's room
When someone attempts to open the door, a trip wire across the top pulls a burning lantern into a pan of oil in an overheard compartment. The compartment opens, splashing flaming oil onto those below in a 6 foot diameter. If the first person through the door tries to close it immediately upon seeing the charred goblins, then there is only a 1 in 6 chance of the lead PC being killed. Otherwise, there is a 2 in 6 chance of the lead PC being killed, and a 1 in 6 chance of the second PC being killed. The oil burns for 3 rounds before it burns away.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Top 45 Beatles Songs
In honor of the big releases today (wish I could afford Beatles Rock Band SO MUCH!), and inspired by a top 50 list (that got some wrong) in Entertainment magazine, I present my list of top 45 Beatles songs. I cannot begin to put all of these in order of preference, so I present them in chronological order by when they were recorded.
Misery. The Beatles' first perfect effort at anti-feel good lyrics.
Hold Me Tight. A childhood favorite thanks to the Beatles cartoon show that transformed this song into one of the more exciting episodes.
Twist and Shout. A testament to the Beatles' early talent that they could take a song that was originally awful and perfect it when they covered it.
Til There Was You. This show tune-turned crooner ballad showed the Beatles had far-reaching range in both competence and inspiration.
Don't Bother Me. Like “Misery”, the Beatles realized that the love songs were for chicks and guys with girlfriends, but if they really wanted to appeal to everyone, they needed to reach the lonely, depressed male audience too.
And I Love Her. Admitted weakness: pair McCartney with a ballad and I'll love it every time.
I'm a Loser. When I was depressed, these were the songs with which I identified.
I Don't Want to Spoil the Party. The first Beatles song that tells a story.
Eight Days a Week. Foreshadowing the illogical lyrics to come.
You Like Me Too Much. Practically defines my current relationship.
You've Got to Hide Your Love Away. They out-Dylaned Dylan.
Help. With hindsight, so insightful.
I've Just Seen a Face. Pure fun.
Yesterday. Pure magic.
Norwegian Wood. Wickedly funny and smart.
Tomorrow Never Knows. Mind-blowing entrance into psychedelia.
Paperback Writer. Absurdly funny.
And Your Bird Can Sing. Long before I was fully cognizant of the ironies the Beatles were playing with, this was one of my childhood favorites for what I perceived as its playful innocence – demonstrating the levels on which the Beatles were operating.
Eleanor Rigby. Buddy Holly had already given us rock n' roll with classical instruments; McCartney one-upped him by giving us rock n'roll that was classical music.
For No One. Their first truly sad song (which is why I didn't like it until I was older) which, coincidentally, is the only Beatles song to prominently feature a French horn, the only instrument I was ever tempted to learn how to play in grade school.
Yellow Submarine. As dazzlingly imaginative as any of Lennon's drug-inspired songs, while possessing the innocent sound that McCartney could still do so well and Lennon had lost.
Good Day Sunshine. The complete opposite of the band that had three years earlier written “Misery” -- now they were ready to push happiness in your face!
Strawberry Fields Forever. Powerful, with a sound music had never had before.
When I'm 64. More pure fun.
Penny Lane. The perfect B-side to “Strawberry Fields”; where “Strawberry” vaguely evokes a mist-shrouded past, “Penny Lane” is a snapshot-clear picture of a moment in time.
A Day in the Life. Transcendent. My #2 favorite Beatles song.
Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite. Mesmerizing, how Lennon took something so mundane and twisted it into something almost scary.
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Along with “Mr. Kite”, my other favorite song from Sgt. Pepper's in childhood for their imagery, when “A Day in the Life” was still too powerful for me to absorb.
It's All Too Much. While Lennon sang better about love as pain and McCartney sang better about love as an ideal, Harrison could sing about love as overwhelmingly powerful. This is “You Like Me Too Much” on steroids.
I Am the Walrus. Probably what I would pick as my #3 favorite song, this song combines the power of “Strawberry Fields” and the stark imagery of “Lucy in the Sky” while, again, sounding like nothing that had come before it.
Blue Jay Way. Harrison matched “Mr. Kite” for creepiness, with an emphasis on match. The Beatles were no longer complementing each other at this point, but competing with each other.
The Fool on the Hill. McCartney showed a new level of lyrical skill with some of Lennon's darkness (although masked with ambiguity).
Across the Universe. Lennon's most beautiful song (and a great movie too!) until "Beautiful Boy".
Hey Bulldog. Lennon showed that they could still do rock n'roll, though transformed by the sounds they were inventing around it.
Blackbird. One of McCartney's most beautiful songs and the simplest of them.
Revolution. Yes, they could still rock, but now they could rock with purpose!
While My Guitar Gently Weeps. I have to cheat – this song warrants inclusion not for the final, heavier version, but for the softer version discarded and only released later on Beatles Anthology. Harrison here could have complemented the other Beatles as he used to by demonstrating power with a whisper, but instead decided to compete with Lennon by rocking it out.
Hey Jude. Not just a song, it's the anthem of the human race. Powerful beyond measure and easily my #1 favorite song.
I Will. What I consider to be McCartney's most perfect expression of ideal love (though some of his post-Beatles work, like “Silly Love Songs” would come close).
Julia. Gripping in its biographical depiction of pain, regret, and sadness.
Two of Us. Even though not originally intended to be about Lennon and McCartney's partnership, still ironically poignant.
Let It Be. A sort-of “Hey Jude” Jr., that's still better than most other songs.
The Long and Winding Road. But my loyalties are torn between versions – on one hand, I like the power of the Phil Spector version, even while it subverts the simple wisdom of the quieter version McCartney had intended.
The One After 909. And after all that, they could still come back around to this and do an old-fashioned rock n'roll song? If you're the Beatles, you COULD go back home again.
Come Together. Almost a B-side song for “909”, though it was not released that way. After looking back at the beginning with “909”, “Come Together” could have been a fresh start for the Beatles, becoming a rock n'roll band again informed by their old influences, but also by the music they had created in between. That it never happened is so tragic that this song barely squeaks onto my list and would probably be #45 if I had ranked them all.
Misery. The Beatles' first perfect effort at anti-feel good lyrics.
Hold Me Tight. A childhood favorite thanks to the Beatles cartoon show that transformed this song into one of the more exciting episodes.
Twist and Shout. A testament to the Beatles' early talent that they could take a song that was originally awful and perfect it when they covered it.
Til There Was You. This show tune-turned crooner ballad showed the Beatles had far-reaching range in both competence and inspiration.
Don't Bother Me. Like “Misery”, the Beatles realized that the love songs were for chicks and guys with girlfriends, but if they really wanted to appeal to everyone, they needed to reach the lonely, depressed male audience too.
And I Love Her. Admitted weakness: pair McCartney with a ballad and I'll love it every time.
I'm a Loser. When I was depressed, these were the songs with which I identified.
I Don't Want to Spoil the Party. The first Beatles song that tells a story.
Eight Days a Week. Foreshadowing the illogical lyrics to come.
You Like Me Too Much. Practically defines my current relationship.
You've Got to Hide Your Love Away. They out-Dylaned Dylan.
Help. With hindsight, so insightful.
I've Just Seen a Face. Pure fun.
Yesterday. Pure magic.
Norwegian Wood. Wickedly funny and smart.
Tomorrow Never Knows. Mind-blowing entrance into psychedelia.
Paperback Writer. Absurdly funny.
And Your Bird Can Sing. Long before I was fully cognizant of the ironies the Beatles were playing with, this was one of my childhood favorites for what I perceived as its playful innocence – demonstrating the levels on which the Beatles were operating.
Eleanor Rigby. Buddy Holly had already given us rock n' roll with classical instruments; McCartney one-upped him by giving us rock n'roll that was classical music.
For No One. Their first truly sad song (which is why I didn't like it until I was older) which, coincidentally, is the only Beatles song to prominently feature a French horn, the only instrument I was ever tempted to learn how to play in grade school.
Yellow Submarine. As dazzlingly imaginative as any of Lennon's drug-inspired songs, while possessing the innocent sound that McCartney could still do so well and Lennon had lost.
Good Day Sunshine. The complete opposite of the band that had three years earlier written “Misery” -- now they were ready to push happiness in your face!
Strawberry Fields Forever. Powerful, with a sound music had never had before.
When I'm 64. More pure fun.
Penny Lane. The perfect B-side to “Strawberry Fields”; where “Strawberry” vaguely evokes a mist-shrouded past, “Penny Lane” is a snapshot-clear picture of a moment in time.
A Day in the Life. Transcendent. My #2 favorite Beatles song.
Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite. Mesmerizing, how Lennon took something so mundane and twisted it into something almost scary.
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Along with “Mr. Kite”, my other favorite song from Sgt. Pepper's in childhood for their imagery, when “A Day in the Life” was still too powerful for me to absorb.
It's All Too Much. While Lennon sang better about love as pain and McCartney sang better about love as an ideal, Harrison could sing about love as overwhelmingly powerful. This is “You Like Me Too Much” on steroids.
I Am the Walrus. Probably what I would pick as my #3 favorite song, this song combines the power of “Strawberry Fields” and the stark imagery of “Lucy in the Sky” while, again, sounding like nothing that had come before it.
Blue Jay Way. Harrison matched “Mr. Kite” for creepiness, with an emphasis on match. The Beatles were no longer complementing each other at this point, but competing with each other.
The Fool on the Hill. McCartney showed a new level of lyrical skill with some of Lennon's darkness (although masked with ambiguity).
Across the Universe. Lennon's most beautiful song (and a great movie too!) until "Beautiful Boy".
Hey Bulldog. Lennon showed that they could still do rock n'roll, though transformed by the sounds they were inventing around it.
Blackbird. One of McCartney's most beautiful songs and the simplest of them.
Revolution. Yes, they could still rock, but now they could rock with purpose!
While My Guitar Gently Weeps. I have to cheat – this song warrants inclusion not for the final, heavier version, but for the softer version discarded and only released later on Beatles Anthology. Harrison here could have complemented the other Beatles as he used to by demonstrating power with a whisper, but instead decided to compete with Lennon by rocking it out.
Hey Jude. Not just a song, it's the anthem of the human race. Powerful beyond measure and easily my #1 favorite song.
I Will. What I consider to be McCartney's most perfect expression of ideal love (though some of his post-Beatles work, like “Silly Love Songs” would come close).
Julia. Gripping in its biographical depiction of pain, regret, and sadness.
Two of Us. Even though not originally intended to be about Lennon and McCartney's partnership, still ironically poignant.
Let It Be. A sort-of “Hey Jude” Jr., that's still better than most other songs.
The Long and Winding Road. But my loyalties are torn between versions – on one hand, I like the power of the Phil Spector version, even while it subverts the simple wisdom of the quieter version McCartney had intended.
The One After 909. And after all that, they could still come back around to this and do an old-fashioned rock n'roll song? If you're the Beatles, you COULD go back home again.
Come Together. Almost a B-side song for “909”, though it was not released that way. After looking back at the beginning with “909”, “Come Together” could have been a fresh start for the Beatles, becoming a rock n'roll band again informed by their old influences, but also by the music they had created in between. That it never happened is so tragic that this song barely squeaks onto my list and would probably be #45 if I had ranked them all.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Living Fantasy Review
Gary Gygax's Living Fantasy is important for being one of the last books he ever wrote – not just edited, like most of the Gygaxian Fantasy Worlds series. Here, then, are his final thoughts on, in a fantasy world where the D&D game mechanics are reality, how much would be different and how much the same as our world.
Gygax was clear about his biases and the limitations of having barely over 150 pages to work with. He clearly cannot describe a whole world in this span of pages and, indeed, he confesses in his introduction to only being interested in re-imagining England in its late Renaissance/early Tudor period. Gygax's interest in developing a fairly close parallel England date back at least as far as his last game system, a more narrow focus than the broader historical simulation dating back as far as Chainmail. Other things have stuck with Gygax since the early '70s, such as his belief that gunpowder weapons are antithetical to the swords & sorcery genre.
Other ideas introduced here seem newer to me, such as including “hi-tech” items like coaches and mechanical watches. To some extent, this is just pushing the clock forward from the early days of D&D. Except for anachronisms like backpacks, most of the D&D equipment lists reflected what was available in 16th century Europe. Here, Gygax not only looked ahead to the 17th century, but the really new idea is that magic would not hold back technological development, as we have commonly envisioned it would in a magical world, but would push it forward to keep up.
Almost immediately, the impact of non-humans living among humans was written off as irrelevant. Gygax imagined, probably for the convenience of it, that human civilization would be so attractive to any nearby dwarves or elves that they would become completely assimilated. Gygax had admitted to his “humanocentric” approach to fantasy world-building as far back as the 1978 Players Handbook, but here this approach seems particularly arrogant.
The book is broken into two sections, “the physical landscape” and “the cultural landscape.”
The “physical landscape” section begins, reminiscent of the 1979 Dungeon Masters Guide, with lists of landscape “dressing” (to borrow a term from the older work). We are treated to random encounter tables, as we have been since the very first D&D booklets. But here the purpose has changed dramatically. The encounter tables are no longer filled with random monsters, but contain information about farmers and the size of their wagons. There is descriptive text about castles, but no information anymore for high-level characters wanting to build their own. The game has shifted from characters mastering their environment to simply interacting with it. Nowhere is this paradigm shift more obvious than the list of “magical products and services.” The focus on magic has flying carpets to “dirt-eliminating carpets”. From fireballs snuffing out groups of opponents in a blaze of fire to “self-heating water kettles.”
This change in focus is meant as an observation rather than a complaint; the descriptions are evocative and thorough, giving much food for thought for the DM looking to run a campaign with a focus away from combat. But the descriptive nature of non-combat campaigning does not lend itself as well to game mechanics as combat does and, if the book has a main weakness, it is where d20 mechanics are shoe-horned onto the descriptive text. The “Practical spells for the d20 system” section, for example, supposedly has 16 new spells in it, but most of them are really just new ways to interpret preexisting spells – Floating Object is a (why did it take 26 years to think of this?) more generic version of Tenser's Floating Disc, Ventilation is a variant of Gust of Wind, Transparent Object is a more generic version of Glasteel. Some of the spells, like Accurate Tally and Pleasant Weather Zone, already had their niches filled by the Tome of Magic 12 years earlier. Conjure Spice is perhaps the only spell with a previously unfilled (though probably not in great demand) niche of filling the “void” between Purify Food & Water and Create Food.
“The Cultural Landscape”, or “Book Two”, is perhaps most typically Gygaxian when it is assigning number values. One can only wonder if statements like how the upper upper class is composed of “about 0.002% of the total population” is based on meticulous research or that same wonderfully quirky arbitrariness that determined that a longsword does 1d8 damage instead of 1d6 or 1d10.
The “Fantasy Society” section is a poorly named one, as there is little fantasy content here. While it reads much like a history textbook, interesting thoughts for a DM to ponder are sprinkled all throughout the text on social classes. Which social classes should have access magically warm water and indoor plumbing? Who should have access to coffee and chocolate (we are expected to accept without a double take that these are fantasy world-appropriate items)? How many acres on a manor holding should be crop land and how many woodland? How large a household staff should an upper middle class person have, and which occupations would be in this class? How is one promoted upwards from class to class?
The “Civilized Communities” section, again, is full of tidbits for the DM to ponder – the officers on a manor, the options for roofing material in a town, and the typical diet of people who live in particular types of dwellings. More importantly, this section includes practical advice for DMing players passing through said communities or building permanent residences in them. It may help to know how many people would live in a hamlet, for example, but what is really going to help the DM is the (more than a) page on information media, entertainment, drinking and smoking options (to the list of questionable presences like coffee and chocolate, add tobacco – why doesn't gunpowder exist again?), and visitor accommodations a hamlet would typically offer. Personally, I struggled to find a good guide for land and building costs in my last AD&D campaign – here, I get that very table, succinctly, on less than half a page.
The Cleric character class began its existence back in '74 as a thinly veiled Catholic -- as evidenced by the wooden cross on the equipment list and the hierarchical level titles. In '85, Gygax co-wrote The Temple of Elemental Evil, using the floorplan of a cathedral. By 2003, Gygax here said “[t]he fantasy world can't have cathedrals and churches. Those are Christian appellations.” Again, I have personally struggled in the past with this same issue – trying to education Greyhawk gamers about how we erroneously place monotheistic values on a supposedly pantheistic setting. Later in the text, Gygax spent 13 pages on the role of the clergy and began it with his most personal essay in the book, detailing how his views on this evolved over the decades. Curiously, the material on the clergy still seems to fall into the same old patterns – shrines dedicated to single deities and a Catholic Church-like hierarchy. And while he might have been ready to discard cathedrals and churches, he included a detailed floor plan for an abbey.
The last section of the book is “A Day in the Life...”, which details the daily schedules of citizens of varying social standing. In 11 pages, this section neatly summarizes what would have been chapters in one of Greenwood Press' “Daily Life” books. This, in essence, is the nature of the entirety of Living Fantasy – the distillation of all of Gygax's reading he had done since AD&D while preparing his later fantasy games, particularly Lejendary Adventures. It is both an answer to and a continuation of his earlier works, particularly the AD&D Dungeon Masters Guide. It is at times odiously detailed (plumbing materials by social class?), historically astute (distinguishing between medieval and renaissance models of military command), personal (his essay on divesting clerics of the trappings of modern religion, but also an earlier essay on the “error of 'peace-knot' use” in other game products), and whimsical (frog legs and crème Brule on his menu list?). It is also fascinating as both a reference work for DMs to skim for ideas and as a window into the mind of the Father of Roleplaying Games in his final years.
Lastly, for a better organized essay on how Living Fantasy fits into Gygaxian publishing history, see http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/10/10154.phtml
Gygax was clear about his biases and the limitations of having barely over 150 pages to work with. He clearly cannot describe a whole world in this span of pages and, indeed, he confesses in his introduction to only being interested in re-imagining England in its late Renaissance/early Tudor period. Gygax's interest in developing a fairly close parallel England date back at least as far as his last game system, a more narrow focus than the broader historical simulation dating back as far as Chainmail. Other things have stuck with Gygax since the early '70s, such as his belief that gunpowder weapons are antithetical to the swords & sorcery genre.
Other ideas introduced here seem newer to me, such as including “hi-tech” items like coaches and mechanical watches. To some extent, this is just pushing the clock forward from the early days of D&D. Except for anachronisms like backpacks, most of the D&D equipment lists reflected what was available in 16th century Europe. Here, Gygax not only looked ahead to the 17th century, but the really new idea is that magic would not hold back technological development, as we have commonly envisioned it would in a magical world, but would push it forward to keep up.
Almost immediately, the impact of non-humans living among humans was written off as irrelevant. Gygax imagined, probably for the convenience of it, that human civilization would be so attractive to any nearby dwarves or elves that they would become completely assimilated. Gygax had admitted to his “humanocentric” approach to fantasy world-building as far back as the 1978 Players Handbook, but here this approach seems particularly arrogant.
The book is broken into two sections, “the physical landscape” and “the cultural landscape.”
The “physical landscape” section begins, reminiscent of the 1979 Dungeon Masters Guide, with lists of landscape “dressing” (to borrow a term from the older work). We are treated to random encounter tables, as we have been since the very first D&D booklets. But here the purpose has changed dramatically. The encounter tables are no longer filled with random monsters, but contain information about farmers and the size of their wagons. There is descriptive text about castles, but no information anymore for high-level characters wanting to build their own. The game has shifted from characters mastering their environment to simply interacting with it. Nowhere is this paradigm shift more obvious than the list of “magical products and services.” The focus on magic has flying carpets to “dirt-eliminating carpets”. From fireballs snuffing out groups of opponents in a blaze of fire to “self-heating water kettles.”
This change in focus is meant as an observation rather than a complaint; the descriptions are evocative and thorough, giving much food for thought for the DM looking to run a campaign with a focus away from combat. But the descriptive nature of non-combat campaigning does not lend itself as well to game mechanics as combat does and, if the book has a main weakness, it is where d20 mechanics are shoe-horned onto the descriptive text. The “Practical spells for the d20 system” section, for example, supposedly has 16 new spells in it, but most of them are really just new ways to interpret preexisting spells – Floating Object is a (why did it take 26 years to think of this?) more generic version of Tenser's Floating Disc, Ventilation is a variant of Gust of Wind, Transparent Object is a more generic version of Glasteel. Some of the spells, like Accurate Tally and Pleasant Weather Zone, already had their niches filled by the Tome of Magic 12 years earlier. Conjure Spice is perhaps the only spell with a previously unfilled (though probably not in great demand) niche of filling the “void” between Purify Food & Water and Create Food.
“The Cultural Landscape”, or “Book Two”, is perhaps most typically Gygaxian when it is assigning number values. One can only wonder if statements like how the upper upper class is composed of “about 0.002% of the total population” is based on meticulous research or that same wonderfully quirky arbitrariness that determined that a longsword does 1d8 damage instead of 1d6 or 1d10.
The “Fantasy Society” section is a poorly named one, as there is little fantasy content here. While it reads much like a history textbook, interesting thoughts for a DM to ponder are sprinkled all throughout the text on social classes. Which social classes should have access magically warm water and indoor plumbing? Who should have access to coffee and chocolate (we are expected to accept without a double take that these are fantasy world-appropriate items)? How many acres on a manor holding should be crop land and how many woodland? How large a household staff should an upper middle class person have, and which occupations would be in this class? How is one promoted upwards from class to class?
The “Civilized Communities” section, again, is full of tidbits for the DM to ponder – the officers on a manor, the options for roofing material in a town, and the typical diet of people who live in particular types of dwellings. More importantly, this section includes practical advice for DMing players passing through said communities or building permanent residences in them. It may help to know how many people would live in a hamlet, for example, but what is really going to help the DM is the (more than a) page on information media, entertainment, drinking and smoking options (to the list of questionable presences like coffee and chocolate, add tobacco – why doesn't gunpowder exist again?), and visitor accommodations a hamlet would typically offer. Personally, I struggled to find a good guide for land and building costs in my last AD&D campaign – here, I get that very table, succinctly, on less than half a page.
The Cleric character class began its existence back in '74 as a thinly veiled Catholic -- as evidenced by the wooden cross on the equipment list and the hierarchical level titles. In '85, Gygax co-wrote The Temple of Elemental Evil, using the floorplan of a cathedral. By 2003, Gygax here said “[t]he fantasy world can't have cathedrals and churches. Those are Christian appellations.” Again, I have personally struggled in the past with this same issue – trying to education Greyhawk gamers about how we erroneously place monotheistic values on a supposedly pantheistic setting. Later in the text, Gygax spent 13 pages on the role of the clergy and began it with his most personal essay in the book, detailing how his views on this evolved over the decades. Curiously, the material on the clergy still seems to fall into the same old patterns – shrines dedicated to single deities and a Catholic Church-like hierarchy. And while he might have been ready to discard cathedrals and churches, he included a detailed floor plan for an abbey.
The last section of the book is “A Day in the Life...”, which details the daily schedules of citizens of varying social standing. In 11 pages, this section neatly summarizes what would have been chapters in one of Greenwood Press' “Daily Life” books. This, in essence, is the nature of the entirety of Living Fantasy – the distillation of all of Gygax's reading he had done since AD&D while preparing his later fantasy games, particularly Lejendary Adventures. It is both an answer to and a continuation of his earlier works, particularly the AD&D Dungeon Masters Guide. It is at times odiously detailed (plumbing materials by social class?), historically astute (distinguishing between medieval and renaissance models of military command), personal (his essay on divesting clerics of the trappings of modern religion, but also an earlier essay on the “error of 'peace-knot' use” in other game products), and whimsical (frog legs and crème Brule on his menu list?). It is also fascinating as both a reference work for DMs to skim for ideas and as a window into the mind of the Father of Roleplaying Games in his final years.
Lastly, for a better organized essay on how Living Fantasy fits into Gygaxian publishing history, see http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/10/10154.phtml
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Why Twilight Sucks
Until recently, I could only speak generally about how the Twilight phenomena sucks. Vampires are so over-done and vampire-human love is repulsive. Not that its legion of girl fans even bat an eye when you remind them that it's all about necrophilia.
Last night, my girlfriend made me watch the movie version. I still can't speak specifically about the books, but at least I can finally say, with specifics, why Twilight: the Movie sucks.
I have to start by backing up to the main premise – vampires. Vampires are, or would be if they existed, abhorrent monsters that exist in defiance of the sanctity of life. They are not sympathetic superheroes. Twilight keeps trying to make us think of them like that. Spider-Man is alluded to and their super-climbing certainly looks a lot like Spider-Man and their strength and reflex levels seem to be on par with Spider-Man's and even Edward's mind-reading skill serves him a lot like Spider-Man's spider-sense. Makes me wonder if Stephanie Meyer is just a big Spider-Man fan. But no, she insists her characters are vampires. But are they?
Twilight's vampires drink blood and they avoid sunlight and they come back to life after they die, but vampires do not sparkle in sunlight and they do not reflect in mirrors. Yet Twilight makes such a huge deal out of these exceptions (the climax conveniently taking place around a lot of mirrors). So Twilight's vampires don't pass the duck test – if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it's a duck – these vampires simply fail too many criteria to be vampires. They could just as easily be blood-drinking aliens as vampires. Oddly, our main character Bella never considers this at all. She just accepts right away that they are vampires. Why? Because Edward the Pasty/Homely/Inexplicable Heartthrob Vampire says so.
And no one questions Edward. Ever. When Edward says James, the evil vampire, will never give up trying to kill Bella, we only have Edward's word on this because he's the only mind reader. But we also know that Edward is jealously over-protective of Bella (and a psycho stalker to boot, sneaking into her room at night to spy on her, though Bella inexplicably doesn't mind this invasion of her privacy). Couldn't at least someone have said, “You know, Eddie, maybe you misread his intentions in the heat of the moment. Could you at least double-check before we all gang up on him to kill him?” But no, Edward says James has to die, so everyone jumps into action to do what Edward says.
And there are so many things Bella should be questioning. Does she really love Edward? She thinks she does because she feels drawn to his staring and she thinks she dreams about him at night. Yet while he's staring, he's trying to probe her mind and she is probably somehow feeling that mind-probe as a pleasurable experience. And she soon finds out that she's not dreaming about him, she's really waking up and seeing her in her room, but – again – this doesn't phase her in the least because Edward says he's just watching her sleep. If she caught him sniffing her panties would she bat an eye?
Does Edward really love her? He even tells her that he's drawn to her physically, like a pheromone attraction. What woman wouldn't be insulted when he doesn't mention respecting her mind too? And can we even trust that Edward inexplicably can't read her mind when he can read everyone else's? Like so much else about Edward, we only have his word on it.
We are told that James is an amazing tracker thanks to his heightened senses. If his sense of smell is so great that he can track Bella cross-country, then how on Earth does it take him about five minutes before he notices she smells like a human at a range of about 30 feet? And why does she believe Edward when he says James won't hurt her father, but then she worries that James will hurt her mother? Because Edward didn't say she would be all right?
I think Edward isn't just a mind-reader – he's a mind-controller. He's pulling everyone's strings and engineering all these dangers for Bella just so he can conveniently rescue her. He made up the thing about James wanting to kill Bella and then contacted James and asked him to play along. Edward conveniently shows up to save Bella from James before any of the other vampires. We're supposed to believe it's because he's faster, but what if it's because he already knew where they were because he had arranged the whole thing?
I was also annoyed because the father-daughter relationship subplot is never really resolved, but mainly because of my huge unanswered questions and the giant plot holes they illuminate, I gave the movie a D for a grade. Now, the movie could have upgraded to a B if the dad had been the hero. Gathering clues about the Cullens, Dad would figure everything out – including seeing the obvious holes in Edward's stories to Bella. Just as Edward was performing his fake-rescue of Bella and using James as his fall guy, Dad would show up, confront Edward with the truth, and stake the jerk through the heart. Then Bella would see that she should never have hid things from her dad, would respect him more than ever, and their healed relationship would be our happy ending.
Now, Megan was initially pretty disappointed in me for not liking her movie, but the next day she agreed that her appreciation of the movie really comes from having read the books and being able to fill in the gaps that the movie leaves. And maybe the books really do answer my questions better than the movie does. Not that I really need to know. Twilight is a primal fantasy for girls – the need girls have to feel that she will not only find someone who loves her, but that he will be special in a secret way. Megan was fascinated by that first in Lois Lane’s Superman and then in Gwen Stacy’s Spider-Man. My biggest problem with Twilight is that it’s been done so much better.
Last night, my girlfriend made me watch the movie version. I still can't speak specifically about the books, but at least I can finally say, with specifics, why Twilight: the Movie sucks.
I have to start by backing up to the main premise – vampires. Vampires are, or would be if they existed, abhorrent monsters that exist in defiance of the sanctity of life. They are not sympathetic superheroes. Twilight keeps trying to make us think of them like that. Spider-Man is alluded to and their super-climbing certainly looks a lot like Spider-Man and their strength and reflex levels seem to be on par with Spider-Man's and even Edward's mind-reading skill serves him a lot like Spider-Man's spider-sense. Makes me wonder if Stephanie Meyer is just a big Spider-Man fan. But no, she insists her characters are vampires. But are they?
Twilight's vampires drink blood and they avoid sunlight and they come back to life after they die, but vampires do not sparkle in sunlight and they do not reflect in mirrors. Yet Twilight makes such a huge deal out of these exceptions (the climax conveniently taking place around a lot of mirrors). So Twilight's vampires don't pass the duck test – if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it's a duck – these vampires simply fail too many criteria to be vampires. They could just as easily be blood-drinking aliens as vampires. Oddly, our main character Bella never considers this at all. She just accepts right away that they are vampires. Why? Because Edward the Pasty/Homely/Inexplicable Heartthrob Vampire says so.
And no one questions Edward. Ever. When Edward says James, the evil vampire, will never give up trying to kill Bella, we only have Edward's word on this because he's the only mind reader. But we also know that Edward is jealously over-protective of Bella (and a psycho stalker to boot, sneaking into her room at night to spy on her, though Bella inexplicably doesn't mind this invasion of her privacy). Couldn't at least someone have said, “You know, Eddie, maybe you misread his intentions in the heat of the moment. Could you at least double-check before we all gang up on him to kill him?” But no, Edward says James has to die, so everyone jumps into action to do what Edward says.
And there are so many things Bella should be questioning. Does she really love Edward? She thinks she does because she feels drawn to his staring and she thinks she dreams about him at night. Yet while he's staring, he's trying to probe her mind and she is probably somehow feeling that mind-probe as a pleasurable experience. And she soon finds out that she's not dreaming about him, she's really waking up and seeing her in her room, but – again – this doesn't phase her in the least because Edward says he's just watching her sleep. If she caught him sniffing her panties would she bat an eye?
Does Edward really love her? He even tells her that he's drawn to her physically, like a pheromone attraction. What woman wouldn't be insulted when he doesn't mention respecting her mind too? And can we even trust that Edward inexplicably can't read her mind when he can read everyone else's? Like so much else about Edward, we only have his word on it.
We are told that James is an amazing tracker thanks to his heightened senses. If his sense of smell is so great that he can track Bella cross-country, then how on Earth does it take him about five minutes before he notices she smells like a human at a range of about 30 feet? And why does she believe Edward when he says James won't hurt her father, but then she worries that James will hurt her mother? Because Edward didn't say she would be all right?
I think Edward isn't just a mind-reader – he's a mind-controller. He's pulling everyone's strings and engineering all these dangers for Bella just so he can conveniently rescue her. He made up the thing about James wanting to kill Bella and then contacted James and asked him to play along. Edward conveniently shows up to save Bella from James before any of the other vampires. We're supposed to believe it's because he's faster, but what if it's because he already knew where they were because he had arranged the whole thing?
I was also annoyed because the father-daughter relationship subplot is never really resolved, but mainly because of my huge unanswered questions and the giant plot holes they illuminate, I gave the movie a D for a grade. Now, the movie could have upgraded to a B if the dad had been the hero. Gathering clues about the Cullens, Dad would figure everything out – including seeing the obvious holes in Edward's stories to Bella. Just as Edward was performing his fake-rescue of Bella and using James as his fall guy, Dad would show up, confront Edward with the truth, and stake the jerk through the heart. Then Bella would see that she should never have hid things from her dad, would respect him more than ever, and their healed relationship would be our happy ending.
Now, Megan was initially pretty disappointed in me for not liking her movie, but the next day she agreed that her appreciation of the movie really comes from having read the books and being able to fill in the gaps that the movie leaves. And maybe the books really do answer my questions better than the movie does. Not that I really need to know. Twilight is a primal fantasy for girls – the need girls have to feel that she will not only find someone who loves her, but that he will be special in a secret way. Megan was fascinated by that first in Lois Lane’s Superman and then in Gwen Stacy’s Spider-Man. My biggest problem with Twilight is that it’s been done so much better.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Far Side-Like Cartoon
[Circa 1998, I was briefly obsessed with the cartoon The Far Side. On my breaks at work, I sketched some one panel cartoons. Here's a sample.]
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