The Killer DM Song

[Written in 2005, when I had way too much time alone in the car on the way back home from Indiana.]

I've got a mission
Of major attrition
I've got to achieve a TPK.

My blood lust knows no bounds
It makes me say "Zounds!"
I've got to spill some DNA.

Crit! Crit! Miss your save!
Hurling damage like a wave!

This dungeon of mine
Is the baddest of all
It's really the creme de la creme.

I've got no remorse
For your casualties of course!
I'm just a killer DM.

New Monster: Harmless Old Man

The story behind this is an old joke made in our AD&D gaming group back around 1990. The joke is about how players tend to lazily accept descriptions from the DM on face value without asking for additional information. So, in the joke, the DM says the PCs meet a harmless old man. The PCs don’t care until the harmless old man kills them all. It turns out, “harmless old man” is actually the name for an enormously deadly monster. Not long after making the joke, I wrote up a harmless old man, and the joke has been a running gag in our group ever since. I have recently edited the stats I wrote in 1990, but kept them specific to AD&D (as opposed to later editions of the game).

HARMLESS OLD MAN
Frequency: Very rare
No. Appearing: 1
Armor Class: -8
Move: 18”/27”
Hit Dice: 19+37
% in Lair: 40%
Treasure Type: H (x2)
No. of Attacks: 1 claw/1 claw/1 claw/1 claw/1 bite/1 horn/1 horn/1 tail
Damage/Attack: 3-12/3-12/3-12/3-12/9-20/3-10/2-8/2-8/6-13
Special Attacks: Death gaze, breath weapon, energy drain, stench, poison, spells, vorpal and wounding bite, sharpness and wounding claws, and see below
Special Defenses: +4 or better weapon to hit, regenerate 5 hp/round, immune to cold, lightning, fire, poison, gas, energy draining, ½ or no damage from acid (always allowed a save)
Magic Resistance: 95%
Intelligence: Genius
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Size: L (15’ tall, 30’ wingspan)
Psionic Ability: 540
Attack/Defense Modes: All/All
Level/X.P. Value: XII (out of X)/a lot

The harmless old men of the lower planes are feared by all save the gods and swear no allegiance to demon, devil, or daemon. Their gaze is as deadly as a bodak (MMII). Anyone coming within 40’ of them must save vs. paralyzation at -2 or be stunned by the stench for 3-12 rounds. They radiate an aura of energy draining that drains 1 level per round from anyone within a 5’ radius of them. So, just meeting harmless old men is deadly before combat is even joined.

In combat, the harmless old man will try to lift shorter opponents so it can bite with both heads (the smaller, telescoping head in its stomach can attack any opponent), as its main head is too tall for biting man-sized opponents on the ground. If it cannot reach to gore with its horns, it can use spikes on its knees to the same effect (but does not use both). Its upper head can spew an unlimited quantity of breath weapons per day in a cone 12” long and 1” wide, of either cold, lightning, fire, or chlorine gas, doing damage equal to the harmless old man’s current hp (like a dragon). Its claw attacks and the bite from its stomach-head necessitate a save vs. poison, success means 25 points of damage and failure means death in 1 segment. The stomach-head can spit this poison up to 3” once per round. The stomach-head will also hold fast after biting and drain blood at the rate of 1-8 hp per round. The bite of the main head has the cumulative properties of a vorpal sword and a sword or wounding. All four claw attacks have the cumulative properties of a sword of sharpness and a sword of wounding. The harmless old man can continue fighting even if both heads are severed.

A harmless old man has the following spell-like powers, usable at the 20th level of ability: animate dead, burning hands, cause fear (gaze at will), charm person, comprehend languages, cone of cold, darkness (30’ radius), detect invisible, fireball, gate (15% of 1 harmless old man), ice storm, invisibility, know alignment, lightning bolt, magic missile, permanent illusion, read magic, shocking grasp, suggestion, teleport (no error), and word of recall. They have continuous telepathy, infra-vision, and ultra-vision within a 24” radius.

A harmless old man has 20 psionic devotions and 10 psionic sciences.

Weapons +2 or less have a 1 in 10 chance of breaking when striking a harmless old man.

Parenting and Teen Drug Use Bibliography

Parenting and Teen Drug Use
A Bibliography

Books

HE 20.402:T 49/CLUB DRUGS
Tips for Teens: the Truth about Club Drugs. Rockville, Md.: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention, 2004. 6 p. pamphlet. Also at: http://purl.access.gpo.gov/GPO/LPS55427

HE 20.402:T 49/COCAINE/2004
Tips for Teens: the Truth about Cocaine. Rockville, Md.: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention, 2004. 6 p. pamphlet.

HE 20.402:T 49/HALLUC./2004
Tips for Teens: the Truth about Hallucinogens. Rockville, Md.: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention, 2004. 6 p. pamphlet. Also at: http://purl.access.gpo.gov/GPO/LPS55449

HE 20.402:T 49/INHAL./2004
Tips for Teens: the Truth about Inhalants. Rockville, Md.: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention, 2004. 6 p. pamphlet. Also at:
http://purl.access.gpo.gov/GPO/LPS55453

HE 20.402:T 49/MARIJ./2004
Tips for Teens: the Truth about Marijuana. Rockville, Md.: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention, 2004. 6 p. pamphlet. Also at: http://purl.access.gpo.gov/GPO/LPS55454

HE 20.402:T 49/METH./2004
Tips for Teens: the Truth about Methamphetamine. Rockville, Md.: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention, 2004. 6 p. pamphlet. Also at: http://purl.access.gpo.gov/GPO/LPS55455

HE 20.402:T 49/STEROID./2004
Tips for Teens: the Truth about Steroids. Rockville, Md.: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Substance Abuse Prevention, 2004. 6 p. pamphlet. Also at: http://purl.access.gpo.gov/GPO/LPS55452

HE 20.3958/2:5
Szapocznik, Jose, Olga Hervis, and Seth Schwartz. Brief Strategic Family Therapy for Adolescent Drug Abuse [microform]. Bethesda, Md.: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, National Institutes of Health, National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2003. vi, 87 p. on 1 microfiche! Also at: http://purl.access.gpo.gov/GPO/LPS/50617

649.125/Abr
Abraham, Henry David. What's a Parent to Do?: Straight Talk on Drugs and Alcohol. Far Hills, N.J.: New Horizon Press, 2004. xii, 227 p.

YA 362.29/Hyd
Hyde, Margaret O. and John F. Setaro. Drugs 101 : an Overview for Teens. Brookfield, Conn.: 21st Century Books, 2003. 159 p.

YA 362.29/Rac
Raczek, Linda Theresa. Teen Addiction. San Diego, Cal.: Lucent Books, 2004. 112 p.

YA 362.292/Tee
Torr, James D. (Ed.) Teens and Alcohol. San Diego, Cal.: Greenhaven Press, 2002. 159 p.

YA 362.299/Oli
Olive, M. Foster. Designer Drugs. Philadelphia, Penn.: Chelsea House, 2004. 96 p.

YA 613.8/You
Youngs, Bettie B. and Jennifer Leigh Youngs. A Teen's Guide to Living Drug-Free. Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications, 2003. xxvii, 339 p.

Internet Sites

Heads Up: Real News about Drugs and Your Body. http://teacher.scholastic.com/scholasticnews/indepth/headsup/

NIDA Goes Back to School: Science-Based Drug Abuse Education. http://backtoschool.drugabuse.gov/

NIDA for Teens: the Science Behind Drug Abuse. http://teens.drugabuse.gov/

Parenting is Prevention. http://www.parentingisprevention.org/Index.html

Partners for Substance Abuse Prevention. http://preventionpartners.samhsa.gov/

Prevention First. http://www.preventionfirst.org

10/10/2005

Scott Casper
Government Documents Librarian
Poplar Creek Public Library
1405 S. Park Ave.
Streamwood, IL. 60107

Constitution Pathfinder

[Published at work and freely distributed]
Studying the Constitution: a Pathfinder

This document will help you find information on the U.S. Constitution and the Illinois State Constitution.

U.S. Constitution

The following sources interpret the Constitution:

342.73 Fou
Four Pillars of Constitutionalism: the Organic Laws of the United States.
Prometheus Books, 1998.

342.7302 Mon
The Words We Live By: Your Annotated Guide to the Constitution.
Hyperion, 2003.

342.04 Hol
The Meaning of the Constitution.
Barron's Educational Series, 1997.

342.73 Ama
For the People: What the Constitution Really Says About Your Rights.
Free Press, 1998.

Subject headings: Constitutional law
Constitutional history
Civil rights
Presidents
Constitutions

The following sources discuss the judicial history of the Constitution:

344.73 Bro
Brown v. Board of Education: Caste, Culture, and the Constitution
University Press of Kansas, 2003.

344.73 Sec
The Second Amendment in Law and History: Historians and Constitutional Scholars on the Right to Bear Arms.
New Press, 2000.

347.73 Rob
The Tyranny of Good Intentions: How Prosecutors and Bureaucrats Are Trampling the Constitution in the Name of Justice.
Prima Pub., 2000.

Subject headings: Segregation in education
Race discrimination
Law reform

The following sources detail the history of the Constitution:

320.10973 Fle
Our Secret Consitution: How Lincoln Redefined American Democracy.
Oxford University Press, 2001.

342.73 Fed
The Federalist: a Commentary on the Constitution of the United States.
Modern Library, 2000.

973.318 Ber
A Brilliant Solution: Inventing the American Constitution
Harcourt, 2003.

Subject headings: Statesmen
United States -- Politics and government

The following sources contain the Constitution and discuss it for children:

J 342 Qui
The Constitution
Children's Press, 1998.

J 342.73 Col
Creating the Constitution
Benchmark Books, 1999.

JR 342.73 Con
The Constitution and Its Amendments
Macmillan Reference USA, 1999.

Subject headings: United States -- Constitution
Constitutional amendments

The following are study guides for the Constitution:

VG 342.73 Ram
Quick and Easy Study Guide for the U.S. Constitution.
Basic Educational Materials, 1999.

The following sources explain what is in the Constitution, or in parts of the Constitution:

R 342.7302/Mad/GOV.DOC.
The U.S. Constitution A to Z.
CQ Press, 2002.

AE 2.102:P 92/2000
Provisions of the Constitution and United States Code Relating to Presidential Elections.
Office of the Federal Register, 2000.

Projects in Progress

This has been a slow week for the blog, but I am still keeping busy and wanted to share on what.

I am currently writing a "re-mix" of Avengers #119 (cover date Jan. 1974), using my own pick of Avengers and altering details to fit the continuity I established on my Superland Yahoo!Group. I already have chapter 1 posted at Fanfiction.net, but am still posting the same pages one-per-day at Superland, which allows me to catch errors I missed the first time.

I have started writing "Ehlissa's Story (Castle Greyhawk Prologue)". When I have more of it done, I will start serializing it on the Greytalk listserv (join from the Canonfire! web site) and then will post it to fanfiction.net when complete. I expect that to be a single chapter, but we will see.

I am sitting on "Skull Mound" right now, a dungeon level I wrote for my old South Province AD&D campaign and altered into a one-round tournament module I ran at GenCon one year (wish I could remember which year!). I've decided there isn't a lot of publication potential for it and will be submitting it soon to Canonfire! after I look it over for possible changes one last time.

Original Superhero Character Concept - Mr. Magnesium

[Another character meant for an online role-playing game, but never used. The brief game mechanics notes are for the Champions system.]
MISTER MAGNESIUM

Real Name: Todd Chaston
Occupation: Adventurer, former librarian
Identity: Secret
Legal Status: Citizen of the United States with no criminal record
Marital Status: Married
Known Relatives: Teri Evans Chaston (wife, 55), Jenny Chaston (daughter, 28), Tara Chaston (daughter, 19).

Background: Todd Chaston was born in 1942 to an auto mechanic with a love for comicbooks. Gary Chaston would read comics to his son most every night, and it was an early inspiration. Todd grew up, went to college to study the humanties, and fell in love with the daughter of the campus librarian. Teri Evans was a high school graduate, three years Todd's junior, but the union had the blessing of Teri's father and the two were married the following year. Inspired by Teri's father, Todd pursued a Master's degree in library science. Upon graduating, he had a job lined up for him at the reference desk of the Allen County Public Library in Ft. Wayne, IN. But it was 1967, and the draft was threatening. Todd joined the navy, and served on a carrier in the South Pacific for two years. After serving his time, he settled down to a quiet lifestyle, thinking his most adventurous days were over.

By 1981, Todd was 39, his daughter Jenny was 9, and his daughter Tara was just an infant. Todd had advanced to assistant director to the library, and it was in that capacity that he was sent to Chicago for a library conference. He was heading back to his hotel downtown by bus after a long day at the conference, when the bus and all 20 people onboard were abducted. Their abductor was Throckmorton Sivana, last heir to a line of mad scientists. Sivana planned to use everyone on the bus as guinea pigs in an experiment to turn humans into "elementals" under his control. Todd didn't know most of the people on that bus -- and has never had the courage to learn most of their names, as most of them didn't survive. The treatments worked on him, though, and he began to transform into pure magnesium. Luckily, the Olympians found Sivana's hideout under Lake Michigan and rescued him, because as pure magnesium he was literally burning up on contact with the air! The Olympians saved him, and somehow reversed the process. And so his adventure seemed to be over.

But it wasn't. Todd was changed already, even though he seemed to be back to normal. Once again inspired by superheroes, he was now determined to show that he could make a difference too.

Lacking superpowers, he quit his job at the library and ran for public office. For the next 16 years he would be a city councilman, and did many good things for Ft. Wayne and its people. However, he gradually began to discover that there were side effects to his previous transformation. Todd felt an affinity to magnesium, and could sense its presence. High levels of magnesium in his body kept him vigorously healthy, unusually so for a man in his 50s. Most remarkably, though, he found that with practice he could control magnesium! In increasingly greater amounts, he could summon magnesium from exposed earth or seawater in fountains of bright, blazing flame!

Todd experimented with his powers slowly and secretly, though he shared everything he was doing with his wife. Teri was slow to accept that her husband had superpowers and wanted to use them to perform random acts of heroism! He also told his older daughter, Jenny. Jenny was now 27, and teaching social science at a junior high school. His younger daughter, Tara, was 18 and too undisciplined to share in the secret. Tara dated excessively, partied instead of studying, and barely passed high school. Instead of college, she intended to make it big in a rock band. Luckily, Todd was not so prone to impulsiveness. He planned careful for a career change to superhero. He studied judo and tae-kwon-do. He bought several specially tailored suits, but covered his tracks carefully so he could not be tracked down later by them. Teri insisted that he wear a bullet-proof vest. The cane weapon was Jenny's idea. Todd's original idea of joining the Olympians didn't pan out when the Olympians vanished, but there was a promising new team which had sprung up in Pennsylvania. Todd read the account of how they had saved lives at a factory fire, and knew that this would be his chance.

Height: 5'10"
Weight: 190 lbs.
Hair: Grey-brown
Eyes: Brown
Age: 58

Appearance: Mr. Magnesium wears a white sports coat and matching slacks and a fedora. Under the fedora he wears dark sunglasses over a black hood which tucks under the lapels of his jacket. On the pocket of his jacket are two red letters -- "Mg." He wears a concealed bulletproof jacket beneath his sports coat. He carries a black metal cane which opens at the top and contains a magnesium flare.

As Todd Chaston, he appears to be a well-built man in his late 40s, with a toothy grin and crow's feet. His widow's peak is thin on top, and he sports a moustache.

Powers: Todd Chaston has unearthly control over the element, magnesium. He can manipulate the element over great distances, and even separate or combine it with other elements at the molecular level.

His body absorbs magnesium from his environment, maintaining his good health.

He can cause plants to absorb great amounts of magnesium from the soil and grow at an accelerated rate (magnesium being the main element of chlorophyl). In this fashion, he can cause a seedling to sprout in an hour, or cause a grown plant to double in size in the same amount of time. Todd must concentrate on the plant for the first ten minutes of that time.

Todd can draw magnesium forcefully out of another person's body. The magnesium combusts on contact with the air, burning on the victim's skin, and creating a bright, blinding light. The victim is also left disoriented by the withdrawal. Todd uses this ability only as a last resort due to how harmful it is to its victim (1d6 points of killing damage, temporarily blinded for 1-3 turns, disorientation causes -2 to all rolls for 1-6 hours).

His most spectacular ability is to draw great amounts of magnesium directly out of the earth or saltwater, where the element is most abundant. The magnesium spout can reach a height of up to 7-12 feet, and is useful in a variety of ways. The bright flame can temporarily blind anyone in 40 feet. The spout serves as a barrier most dangerous to cross (3-18 points of killing damage). Soft metals will melt and combustibles will burn on contact with the magnesium spout. Todd could conceivably fill his entire range of vision with magnesium spouts. The only limit to his power is range, and the availability of magnesium. Only the earth's crust and seawater have enough magnesium. Todd cannot affect this power inside a building, for example.

The magnesium flare concealed in his cane can also temporarily blind an unwary opponent. Todd can exercise such precise control over the magnesium that he can use his flare to write literally in the air with it. He can also cause the burning magnesium to leap from the flare to another spot within 10 feet.

His eyes are naturally resistant to blinding attacks, and his polarized sunglasses complete his protection from the brightness of the burning magnesium. Sunglasses alone are not enough protection at close range. Todd is also to some degree resistant to heat and flame, though to ensure his safety his costume is flame retardant. The bulletproof vest he wears will stop a .42 caliber slug at medium range.

Todd is an above average athlete and hand-to-hand combatant.

More Misc. Avengers Graded

[Continued from October]
Avengers #179 (Jan. 1979). “Slowly Slays the Stinger.” Grade: C+. When your best feature is a stunning cover (by Keith Pollard, who never did enough work in comics), you know you’re in trouble. Fill-in writer (and then-newbie) Tom DeFalco thinks the best way to deal with a large roster of heroes with disparate power levels is to split them up on simultaneous challenges. And maybe he’s right. But the Stinger is so generic a villain he’ll put you to sleep before you even get to the mildly original Bloodhawk for the tougher Avengers.
Avengers #183 (May 1979). “The Redoubtable Return of Crusher Creel!” Grade: A. The start of a trend that the writer, artist, and editor of this issue would continue into the ‘80s, of repackaging old villains with nostalgia value as sympathetic characters.
Avengers #184 (June 1979). “Death on the Hudson !” Grade: A. The art is surprisingly unhurt by multiple inkers. Only four Avengers have a chance to shine and the others just stand around and watch, but the treatment of the Absorbing Man is so…absorbing, that much can be forgiven.
Avengers #185 (July 1979). “The Yesterday Quest!” Grade: A+. Byrne and Green’s artwork is fantastic, but even better is this stellar epic, tight despite sprawling over three issues, that ties up nearly every loose end in Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch’s origin.
Avengers #186 (Aug. 1979). “Nights of Wundergore!” Grade: A+. Cap going over Gyrich’s head to the President is a classic, but the star is Wanda, who should not have had to wait four years for a series outside the Avengers after this.
Avengers #187 (Sept. 1979). “The Call of the Mountain Thing!” Grade: A+. A great wrap-up to a near-perfect three-part epic, marred solely by the lame title.
Avengers #188 (Oct. 1979). “Elementary, Dear Avengers.” Grade: A++. Another Bill Mantlo one-shot masterpiece. The debate between Avengers about helping the Soviets is perfect, the living elements are an original, creative threat, and we even get a peek at the Inhumans. Has a pregnancy (Crystal’s) ever been revealed by a fill-in writer before?
Avengers #189 (Nov. 1979). “Wings and Arrows!” Grade: A+. Maybe the best solo Hawkeye fight to this point. And it still took years before he got his own series? Everything works perfectly, all the characters are so believable, the continuity with other titles is tight, and the Beast gets such great lines!
Avengers #190 (Dec. 1979). “Heart of Stone.” Grade: A+. The greatness did not want to end! Gyrich vs. the Avengers in court! Surprise villain! Another cliffhanger ending!
Avengers #191 (Jan. 1980). “Back to the Stone Age!” Grade: A+. The Avengers acting like a team, the Falcon finally getting his chance to shine, and, sadly, my last issue of Byrne and Green working together on art. What a team that was! This is the two-parter bringing back a classic Thor foe that the Absorbing Man two-parter tried to be.
Avengers #194 (Apr. 1980). “Interlude.” Grade: A+. I missed a few issues, but David Michelinie still delivers. Moments like Capt. America waxing his shield and Ms. Marvel opening the jar of Turtle Wax for him are moments that mark a great writer. George Perez, along with the tightest inker ever, Joe Rubenstein, is not too bad after the magic of Byrne and Green, though Perez had designed one of the worst Wasp costumes ever for this issue.
Avengers #195 (May 1980). “Assault on a Mind Cage!” Grade: A+. The inking is so good, Perez has never looked better. Yellowjacket, Wasp, and even the second Ant-Man all shine while the other heroes have to wait. Taskmaster and the Solomon Institute (where the henchmen were trained the heroes have been fighting all these years) is a brilliant innovation that adds much to the Marvel universe. The biggest disappointment – weapons called “janglers”?