Monday, December 3, 2007

Wimpy Tales - pt. 1

[My first successful (though not my first) superhero role-playing campaign was "Wimpy Tales", using the Marvel Super Heroes role-playing game ( The following is a record of our sessions, based on notes taken at the time.]

#1. "Green Heroes." April 9, 1991. Starring: Captain Jew, Bob, Variable, Shrinky-Dink Man, and the Disciplinarian. Guest stars: Teen Hulk (, Armand Martel (, various teachers and students from Streamwood High School. Setting: Streamwood High School. Synopsis: Five would-be superheroes between the ages of 13 and 20 gather when Teen Hulk transfers to a high school in the Chicago suburbs and goes on a rampage. Armand Martel, one of the last of the Hulkbusters, shows up to take Teen Hulk into custody, but the school refuses to press charges and lets Teen Hulk continue to take classes.

#2. "If Dentistry Be My Destiny..." April 17, 1991. Antagonist: Molar Man and CADH (Citizens Against Dental Hygiene) Starring: Bob, Variable, Dream Wave, Annoying Man, Leprechaun, Disciplinarian. Guest stars: Annoying Man’s mother, CADH members Terry Anizuko, Raoul Fatim, and Lesly Carter, Hernando Elias Cardona Fernandez. Setting: "Dr." Fernandez's office, Adult & Children Orthodontics (in Schaumburg). Synopsis: A wave of debilitating dental accidents is sweeping Cook County so the Wimpy Heroes recruit some new members to investigate. “Dr.” Fernandez, a gangster posing as a dentist in order to distribute drugs, is stumbled across by accident, and rats out the location for CADH’s newest office. The Wimpy Heroes beard the Molar Man in his lair and capture him.

#3. "The Hand of Swarm!" April 27, 1991. Antagonist: Dr. Bernard Hertzsprung. Starring: Variable, Shrinky-Dink Man, Dream Wave, Annoying Man, and the Leprechaun. Guest Stars: Dr. Henry Pym (, Dr. Alfred Dunivan (Fermilab scientist), Rob McDonal & Hal O'Crant (garbage men), Cliff Raymond (Bartlett Village sanitation director), Shrinky-Dink Man and Annoying Man’s mothers, Swarm (partially,, Red Head (rejected Wimpy Hero). Setting: Mallard Lake Landfill, Hanover Park Village Hall, Fermi-Lab. Synopsis: Dr. Henry Pym cameos at Fermi-Lab, there to study the skeletal hand of the villain Swarm, which is accidentally thrown in the garbage. The Wimpy Heroes discover the hand by accident, lose it again, and find that it wound up at the nearby Village Hall and is generating a dangerous bee swarm. Dr. Bernard Hertzsprung (who has a wooden hand and a horrible German accent) had botched stealing the hand from Fermi-Lab and tries to recover it now, but he is captured, the hand is recovered, and the hand is returned safely to Fermi-Lab for study.

#4. "It Came from the Stars -- C.O.D.!" May 1, 1991.
Antagonist: M'maelmaan. Starring: Variable, Bob, Shrinky-Dink Man, Disciplinarian, and the Leprachaun. Guest Stars: Torgo (, Matthew Blazer (postman), Mayor Daley, Cook County Postmaster General (name not given), a friend of Bob and the Disciplinarian named Joe. Setting: Bensenville, Chicago (Daley Building). Synospsis: M’maelmaan, a big robot that looks kind of like a mailman lands in Bensenville and announces its intention to destroy and take over, in no particular order. The Wimpy Heroes head into Bensenville in the Leprachaun’s car, only to lose that car when they crash it ineffectually into M’maelmaan. M’maelmaan realizes he had not landed in a very large city and flies to Chicago instead, with the Wimpy Heroes following suite. They through everything they’ve got at the robot outside the Daley Building, but since they haven’t got very much they only slow him down. And then Torgo shows up.

#5. "P.O. Box Infinity!" May 2, 1991.
Anatagonist: M'maelmaan. Starring: Captain Jew, Variable, Shrinky-Dink Man, Disciplinarian, Annoying Man, Leprachaun, and Shruiken. Guest Stars: Same as last issue, plus another would-be hero named John. Setting: Chicago. Synopsis: Torgo is on the good guy’s side, claims M’maelmaan is a renegade from their home planet, Mekka, and has come to arrest him and bring him back. Torgo and M’maelmaan battle, but find themselves stalemated. More wimpy heroes show up to join the fight. Capt. Jew, sensing that the evil robot’s mailman motif is its weakness, brings dogs to bark at it. Basically, M’maelmaan gets so annoyed by the Wimpy Heroes that he eventually just decides to leave. Torgo pursues him into space.

#6. "We, the Few..." May 11, 1991.
Antagonist: Sgt. Omar Amir and His Iraqi Commandoes. Starring: Variable, Shrinky-Dink Man, Annoying Man, Jock, Disciplinarian. Guest Stars: Variable and Shrinky-Dink Man’s parents, Teen Hulk. Setting: Tefft Middle School (Streamwood). Synopsis: Streamwood is starting to see some of the cosmos-wide effects of the Infinity Gauntlet Saga ( Worse, Saddam Hussein had a band of “elite” terrorists infiltrate the U.S. for the purpose of taking over the White House, but they had got lost and wound up at Tefft Middle School in Streamwood, Illinois. Making due, they take the middle school hostage, but are stomped by the Wimpy Heroes with Teen Hulk’s help.

#7. "The 24-Hour Nightmare!" May 11, 1991.
Antagonist: Thanos ( Starring: Bob, Variable, Shrinky-Dink Man, Disciplinarian, Annoying Man, and the Leprachaun. Guest Stars: Death (in dream sequence), Dan Quayle (on the phone), various Streamwood teenagers, George Bush and Captain America (on TV). Setting: Streamwood. Synopsis: Thanos has erased half the people on Earth (and everywhere else) and more disasters keep happening that overwhelm the Wimpy Heroes. The Variable calls the White House, gets the Vice-President on the phone, and almost talks Quayle into handing him emergency executive authority before someone else takes the phone away from him. Later, the Wimpy Heroes suddenly appear before Thanos who can’t believe these are the last heroes left in the universe to oppose him. So it won’t be so insulting, Thanos boosts all their powers and they tussle. Some of the buffed Wimpy Heroes go down, but the Variable manages to get Thanos in a hold and give him a swirlie. Then everyone wakes up, and it was all a dream.

#8. "The Search for Clark!" May ?, 1991.
Antagonist: Dr. Bernard Hertzsprung and Jose Fernandez. Starring: Variable, Shrinky-Dink Man, Disciplinarian, Annoying Man, and Dream-Wave. Guest Stars: Red Head. Setting: Elgin. Synopsis: Annoying Man calls the Wimpy Heroes together to inform them that his friend Clark (the rejected hero Red Head) is missing. Their search leads them to the city of Elgin, where their old foe Dr. Hertzsprung has teamed up with the cousin of Hernando Fernandez, another gangster. Hertzsprung has some surplus weapons from A.I.M. ( that he is trying to sell to Fernandez for his gang. Red Head got in the middle of this and was captured, but the Wimpy Heroes show up and defeat everybody.

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